Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
