saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
