THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
