Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
