So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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