I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my being single is dangerous.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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