If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
