HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
