the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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