He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
