Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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