Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
