Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
