I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
