My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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