Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
