We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize