you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize