Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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