Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
