I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
