I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
