Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
