I looked at my own cervix.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
