wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
