Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
