Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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