Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
