i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
pop tarts are not kleenex
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
