Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
