I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize