i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
