I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
