so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize