you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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