About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
