Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
