Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
