Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
