By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
