Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
