I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
