he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
