no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
