I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
