Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
