I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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