That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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