I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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