I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
