The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
