i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
