I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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