He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
