I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
