their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need a beard to bite.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
