He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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