I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
