so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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