I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
