I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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