my soul wont recognize me after tonight
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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