Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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