so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
