I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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