I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
